


A Small Drop

by weirdsisters99



Series: Ripple of Change [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Animagus Severus Snape, Depression, Eventual Happy Ending, F/M, Friendship, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Manipulative Albus Dumbledore, Misunderstandings, Platonic Relationships, Sad Severus Snape, Sad Sirius Black, Sassy Severus, Severus Snape is Bad at Feelings, Snarky Severus Snape, The Prank, Wizarding Wars (Harry Potter), in the future
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-19
Updated: 2020-05-19
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:28:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,028
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24266656
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/weirdsisters99/pseuds/weirdsisters99
Summary: Snape watched Sirius warily as the pureblood boy looked him over, his hands moving up to rub at his throat as he glared at the boy who’d pinned him to the wall. However, now that Sirius was actually looking he could see the small tremor. The fear that Snape had towards Remus. The scars covered by cleverly placed sleeves the same way Sirius knew how to do for his own markings from his parents. How Snape was alone, just like he was.“Where’s Evans?” Sirius asked warily.“I don’t need her to fight my battles,” Snape snapped at him. Sirius caught it though. The hurt in his eyes. The self-inflicted anger.“What, did you two have a falling out?”Snape blinked before sneering defensively. “Why would I tell you?”Now normally, this was Sirius’s opportunity to mess with Snape, say something hurtful and see if he could get a laugh out of his friends.But he didn’t have his friends with him anymore, and it didn’t seem like Snape did either.“Because Remus is pissed at me right now so I know how it feels if you wanted to talk about it.”
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter
Series: Ripple of Change [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1751668
Comments: 8
Kudos: 360





	A Small Drop

Sirius sighed as he flopped onto a chair in the library. He didn’t even attempt to pull out his coursework, and instead just stared forward at the dusty shelves in front of him. What had he been thinking? He should never have told Snivellus about Remus, or tried to trick him like he had. And for what? A big laugh? A way to warn Snivellus off?

He sighed.

Remus hated him now. Ever since he’d woken up and been told by Peter what he’d done, the usually calm and understanding man had given him the cold shoulder. He refused to speak to him at all, and now it’d been almost a month. No amount of chocolate or bribing had done Sirius any good. He’d even caught Remus crying a few times during the night when neither of them could sleep, but any sort of acknowledgement of what was going on led to Remus shoving his curtains closed. James was pissed too, glaring at Sirius even though he still chose to talk to him. And of course, Peter always followed James’s lead. 

Sirius was completely and utterly alone.

Even the teachers had noted the change in dynamics between the Marauders. Hell, even  _ Professor McGonagall _ had asked Sirius if everything was alright in their group, taking him aside after class to speak with him. She’d known all about their little prank--had given him a weeks worth of detention for it too. He’d mumbled some sort of response and he’d seen her soften, despite her anger at him. At least he’d gotten a biscuit out of this mess.

Then again, said biscuit hadn’t settled in his stomach when he’d passed Remus in the hall later that day only to be completely skipped over.

Sirius sniffed, picking at the side of the nearest book cover.

He hadn’t felt this alone since before he’d come to Hogwarts and had only Reggie for company.

“What are you doing here, Black?” a snarl came next to him. 

Sirius barely lifted his head to flick his eyes over to see Snivellus glaring at him, face twisted into a scowl and black eyes fiercely angry. The dark rings under the other teen’s eyes matched his own, though Sirius’s spoke of more recent nightly troubles than Snivellus’s.

Normally, Sirius would respond with some witty remark about Snivellus’s greasy hair or overly large nose, but…

He didn’t have the energy to even summon up his usual repertoire and just grunted.

“What? Got nothing to say to the man you almost killed?”

Sirius flinched at that.

“Where’s that monster of yours-”

“Remus isn’t a monster.” Sirius’s ire rose to the slight against his friend.

“He attacked me!” Snivellus hissed.

“That was Moony, not Remus,” Sirius snapped back, reaching for his wand. “But I doubt you would know the difference, Snivellus.”

Snivellus’s eyes flicked towards it, his grip on his book--probably some sort of potions text--tightening. “I don’t care! He still attacked me! And you knew he would be there and tried to have me killed!”

“We wouldn’t have let you die-”

“But you would have let me be bitten and turn into that- that  _ thing _ ?”

Sirius’s temper snapped, pinning Snivellus to the wall. Pressing his wand to Snivellus’s throat, he snarled, “Don't. Ever. Call. Him. That.”

All the bravado from before seemed to abandon Snivellus, the fifth year going absolutely pale, hands clenching and unclenching at his sides where he’d dropped his books. For a brief--split second--moment, it was almost like he could see Remus’s face over Snivellus’s. The face that the scarred boy had given when they’d first found out that he was a werewolf. 

Fear.

Bitterness.

_ Resignation. _

Sirius stepped back like he’d been burned, and actually looked at Sniv-- _ No, not Snivellus-- _ Snape. The boy was thin, gangly, like Remus was, and he had scars too. They were too pale to make out from far away, but clear enough now that Sirius was close. 

Familiar too.

Snape watched Sirius warily as the pureblood boy looked him over, his hands moving up to rub at his throat as he glared at the boy who’d pinned him to the wall. However, now that Sirius was actually  _ looking _ he could see the small tremor. The fear that Snape had towards Remus. The scars covered by cleverly placed sleeves the same way Sirius knew how to do for his own markings from his parents. How Snape was alone, just like he was.

“Where’s Evans?” Sirius asked warily.

“I don’t need her to fight my battles,” Snape snapped at him. Sirius caught it though. The hurt in his eyes. The self-inflicted anger.

“What, did you two have a falling out?”

Snape blinked before sneering defensively. “Why would I tell you?”

Now normally, this was Sirius’s opportunity to mess with Snape, say something hurtful and see if he could get a laugh out of his friends.

But he didn’t have his friends with him anymore, and it didn’t seem like Snape did either.

“Because Remus is pissed at me right now so I know how it feels if you wanted to talk about it.”

That threw the other boy for a loop, making him settle to just glare at the dog-animagus in response before running off. 

Sirius sighed and moved back to his desk, letting Snape do what he wanted. He’d been a royal tosser recently, and… he had a feeling he’d done a lot of wrong by Snape as well as Remus. He’d been the one to start this whole feud after all. 

It was a few days later of silent treatment that Snape actually approached Sirius, once more in the library. The Gryffindor was hiding away in a secluded corner of the library that no one really went to, hidden around texts about muggle studies of all things and all horribly outdated. James looked a little more miserable every second that Remus continued to be upset with Sirius, so now the boy was doing his best to avoid all three of his friends in an attempt to avoid everyone from suffering. He’d even spent a few nights down in the dormitory sleeping on the couch. Occasionally he would spend it as a dog in the kitchens late at night, the sound of the house-elves soothing as their young ones pet his fur. 

Remus hadn’t even let Sirius come with them on the last full moon, and came back looking nearly dead.

Which meant Sirius had spent the next three nights wandering the castle instead of sleeping, the guilt eating away at him from the inside out.

He’d caught sight of Snape a few times, and even done his best to draw James’s pranking nature away from him on the few times that he’d been around. It had been all too easy to irritate the stag-animagus enough to have him come after Sirius instead.

Despite this new leaf, it was still a surprise when the Slytherin slammed his books down across from Sirius and moved to read them, all while ignoring him. Sirius looked at him in confusion, noting how Snape occasionally glanced his way but otherwise pretended to pay him no mind.

There was a moment of hesitation before Snape broke the silence an hour later. “You weren’t lying to me. The werewolf is mad at you.”

“His name is Remus,” Sirius defended immediately, shoulders tightening.

Snape continued like he hadn’t heard him. “Why?”

Sirius looked at Snape, “Because I was an arse, Sni- Snape. I used him to get back at you. That’s not okay.”

The other boy’s eyes narrowed. “But none of you like me to begin with.”

“Remus doesn’t care either way when it comes to you,” Sirius replied, the answer why seeming obvious now that he thought about it. “He just wants to keep us as friends, so he goes along with us, but not this time. This time I went too far and you both almost got hurt.” Sirius swallowed his pride, the usually mile high structure having been stamped down thanks to the silent treatment. “I’m sorry.”

Snape blinked at him. Slowly.

Sirius continued. “I’ve been picking on you since first year for absolutely no reason outside of the fact that you’re a Slytherin and you showed a little bit of spunk on our first day towards James. Those are both really dumb reasons to have been as much of a bloody jerk as I have been, so don’t look so surprised that I’m sorry.”

The other boy stared at him, causing Sirius to ramble on even more.

“And I’m sorry for the name calling too. I should know better than that. I hate it when people call me things behind my back, and I think I would tear someone else apart if I knew what they were calling my friends. I’ve been no better towards you and Evans. And…” he sighed, looking morosely down at the table, nerves frayed and emotions worn down to the point of numbness, “And I absolutely regret telling you about Remus. I- I thought about what you said and… I think…” his breath hitched, “I think I did want you to get bit. Just a little. So you’d… so you’d know to leave it alone. What it’s like for Remus to have to live like he does with people like you always trying to figure out his secrets and use them against him. I- I just wanted you to stop being so mean to him and in the process I hurt him more than you ever did. I shouldn’t have done that, and I shouldn’t have wished you to be hurt like that. So I’m sorry for that too.”

Silence.

“I believe you.”

Sirius blinked at the soft, still rather harsh words.

“I don’t forgive you, of course,” Snape said, sighing on his own and putting the book down, crossing his arms as he leaned back in his chair. “But I believe you are sorry. And-” the Slytherin looked away, “And maybe someday I’ll learn to forgive you. But what you did hurt.” 

“... thanks.”

Snape got up and walked away.

Soon, the two of them running into each other and having halted conversations became a thing that would happen three times a week, almost like clockwork. Sirius soon found out that Snape  _ was _ in fact having a row with Evans, much like Sirius was with Remus. He’d called her a mudblood--and boy did that spark a heated argument between the two of them as Sirius snapped at the blatant hypocrisy--and had tried to make it up to her, only for her to say that she was done with his excuses and storm off. 

Meanwhile, things were slowly coming back together between the Marauders, Remus occasionally talking to Sirius about school things. James had finally caved and began his usual antics with Sirius, the two of them being absolute hellspawn to the teachers, but now rarely against students. 

He still hadn’t been invited back to help on a full moon. 

Sirius wouldn’t call what he had with Snape a friendship, but they certainly weren’t enemies now. Confidants would have been the best way to phrase it. Especially when Snape dropped a bomb on him on an excursion of theirs to the kitchen late on a full moon night.

“I’ve decided to join Voldemort.”

Sirius spit out his drink, spraying it all over Snape, who glared at him. The Slytherin wiped the sticky substance off his face before one of the house-elves around them could start to fuss. 

“You bloody what?” Sirius exclaimed. “Voldemort is a madman, and he’s going around killing people like Evans! Why the hell would you join him?”

Snape glared at him harder. “I thought you of all people would understand,  _ Black _ .”

Sirius tensed. “Just because my family is dark, doesn’t mean-”

“I meant your brother, you idiot.”

“What about my brother?” Sirius snapped. Everyone had known not to bring up Regulus, or his choice to join the Death Eaters around him. He’d been in a foul mood since he found out, and it was likely to get you hexed if you did. 

Snape didn’t care though. The fifth year had completely grown out of his fear of Sirius Black thanks to too many heart to hearts with him and having seen him drunk more times than he could count in the past month. 

So instead of reacting to his small show of temper, the boy looked at him blankly. “You don't know?”

“I don’t know what?

Snape sighed, rolling his eyes. “Regulus thinks that if he joins he can change some of the policies in place from the inside.”

“That won’t work,” Sirius muttered bitterly.

“I agree, but he has a point.”

“What point?”

“Working from the inside might be a fruitful endeavor at the end of the war,” Snape said carefully, looking at Sirius in a significant manner.

His eyes narrowed. “You mean as a spy.”

Snape shrugged, before his expression soured, “I figured it might make it up to Lily.”

Sirius’s face twisted. “Why are you telling me this?”

“Because I know you have Occlumency shields, and can keep a secret.” 

Silence.

“Why do this for Evans?”

Snape was quiet for a long moment, before pulling his leg up to his chest. “Do you know how the patronus works?”

He rolled his eyes, “Yes, I know how the bloody patronus works, Snape. We learned it in class earlier this month with all the dementors moving around freely.”

“Mine’s a doe.”

Sirius blinked. 

“ _ Oh _ .”

“That’s why I’m doing it for Lily.” 

“But she and James-”

“I know.”

Sirius gave him a sympathetic smile. “If it’s any comfort, I think James is pulling his head out of his arse nowadays. He’ll treat her right. And who knows… maybe they won’t work out.”

“It wouldn’t change anything,” Snape scoffed, “I hurt her too much. You know what she said. She’s done with the excuses.”

“I still think you have a chance of friendship at least.”

“She won’t talk to me.”

Sirius gave him a look. “You haven’t tried.”

Snape was quiet. “I don’t need to try to know I’m unforgivable.”

The boy stood up and walked away.

Remus found them the next time they were in the library towards the end of the year, OWLs on the horizon. He froze when he saw them bantering back and forth, feeling like he’d stepped into another dimension. “What’s going on here?” he asked slowly.

Sirius lit up at the sight of his friend even as Snape visibly soured. 

“Moony!” 

It was the first time Remus had seeked him out. 

“I’m confused. I thought…” he looked between him and Snape, “that you didn’t like each other.”

“We bonded over domestic disputes.”

Remus frowned, “Domestic-”

“It’s none of your business,  _ Lupin _ ,” Snape hissed, getting up to leave, when Sirius caught his arm.

The pureblood boy gave him a pleading look. “Remus wanted us to leave you alone. You should try and give him a chance.”

Snape’s jaw twitched, before he shoved himself back in his seat and got to work on his Herbology essay. “Fine. Just don’t expect me to like him.”

“Boy, Moony, I have a lot to tell you,” Sirius started, pulling Remus towards the table and taking the load off of his shoulders. He could tell the werewolf wasn’t feeling well. A full moon was in the next few days--the reason, he found out later, why Remus was coming to talk to him about joining the other Marauders again--leaving him drawn and ill. His limbs were shaking as he found himself tucked against Sirius’s side, the black-haired boy clearly happy to have him there as he listened to him explain everything that had happened since he’d started to ignore Sirius.

It was the first time either of them had felt warm and comfortable in months. 

However, Remus, upon seeing Snape and Sirius interact, couldn’t find it in himself to regret the enforced period of silence.

“James and Peter both have detention tonight, and I don’t think I can handle Moony by myself. Can you please come?” Black pleaded.

“No.”

“He won’t attack you. Moony knows you’re a friend now-”

“I said no,” Severus growled from where he was experimenting with his cauldron, already having finished his potions essay, which was actually a challenge now that they were in sixth year.

“But Remus needs us.”

“Go bother someone else,  _ Black _ . I’m sure Lupin can handle one night with just Padfoot for company.”

“Why did I teach you how to become an animagus if you won’t use it?” Black grumbled, handing him the lacewing flies he was trying to find. “And Remus won’t be able to handle it. You know how he gets during midterms, and he’s caught the flu on top of everything which is going to make Moony absolutely miserable.”

“All the more reason I should avoid him.”

“Please?”

Severus opened his mouth to say no again, only for a small cough to interrupt them. He glanced over to look at Lupin’s pathetically crumpled form where he was trying to work on his own essay across the table, appearing near death with his pallor. He didn’t seem to know where he was, much less that he was being talked about. The werewolf made Severus look in the prime of his health.

He pursed his lips. “Fine, Black. But in return you owe me a favor.”

“Anything you want.”

Severus smirked, before turning back to his potion. “And only if Potter and Pettigrew aren’t there.”

“Deal.”

Remus cursed when he found Snape lying half-dead on the battlefield after a Death Eater skirmish gone wrong. Pulling the man over his shoulders, and hiding his face in case anyone was alive enough to see them and identify who it was over his shoulders, Remus apparated back to his and Sirius’s flat. 

There was a wand immediately drawn at his throat.

“Where did we meet up on the full moon?”

“The Shrieking Shack. What’s Padfoot?”

“A Grim-like dog I use to ‘frolic about in the moonlight’.”

Remus snorted at Sirius’s response, before dropping Snape on their couch. “He needs medical attention.”

“On it.”

Out of the two of them, Sirius was more adept at healing spells and already set to work casting what he could. Remus, on the other hand, moved to grab the potions he thought would be best. The two of them worked in tandem to help their third friend until his breath was no longer wheezing and he was able to comfortably shift onto his side, broken arm and shoulder wrapped and set back in place. 

“You might have broken my cover,” Snape grumbled as Sirius fed him some soup, looking every inch the grumpy cat his animagus form was. 

“Your life is more important,” Remus argued. 

“Says the man who hasn’t taken a break in months now.” Snape snarked. 

“Remus,” Sirius looked at his friend. 

“I’m fine.”

“You’re working yourself thin.”

“Dumbledore needs me.”

Snape snorted bitterly. “He’s using you like he’s using all of us.”

“This is war,” Remus pointed out, before leaving the room to grab some blankets.

Sirius sighed as he watched his friend--no, his  _ brother _ \--go. “He’s going to burn out soon.”

“Your problem,” Snape grunted, shifting again, “not mine.”

“You’re our friend too.”

“We’re not friends,” the spy denied immediately, “We’re acquaintances at most.”

Sirius rolled his eyes, used to his friend’s antics by now. “Says the man who worked with that ‘irritatingly idiotic’ Potion Master for how long just so the Wolfsbane potion was invented?”

Snape ignored him pointedly, making sure to ignore him until he was able to curl up and fall asleep, Remus’s blanket draped over him. 

Azkaban chilled Sirius to the bone as he shivered and shook, gasping as every ounce of happiness was drained from him. He’d only been there for a few days now, and he could barely move past the numbness inside. The screaming all around him from various other prisoners seemed to join his own soul crying out in despair.

James was dead.

Lily was dead.

Peter had betrayed them.

He sobbed pathetically, curling up in a corner as another Dementor passed by his cell, images of painful times flashing through his head. 

_ Arriving at Godric’s Hollow to find the house demolished, Harry screaming for his mummy and daddy inside as Snape and he tried to clear the rubble away from his crib to get him out.  _

_ He was too late. _

_ Too late. _

_ All dead. _

_ Everyone was dead. _

“I’m innocent,” he forced himself to chant over and over, repeating himself as the visions eventually faded. 

“Black?” a voice from behind the wall beside him croaked.

Sirius snapped to awareness. “Severus?”

“Don’t call me that, you bloody dog,” the man mumbled, clearly less coherent than Sirius. 

“Snape? What are you doing here?” he hissed in a whisper. “You were a spy.”

“Dumbledore’s spy, he-” Snape’s voice seemed to shudder, “He’s working on getting me free of Death Eater charges but…” 

“Until then you’re stuck here, just like me-”

“You didn’t betray the Potters,” Snape stated.

Sirius sobbed. “Of course not, James is- was my brother! I would never-”

“I know, but that’s what they’re saying out there,” Snape told him. “They have witnesses saying Pettigrew-”

“That damn rat!” Sirius growled, the dog in him raising its hackles and baring its teeth. 

“Calm down, Black, before you draw attention,” Snape snapped, voice faltering as a Dementor passed them by, causing them to lose themselves for a moment before returning.

“Sorry,” he managed after a long pause, voice wet. “I’m just- We trusted him and he just- He betrayed them! How could he have-”

“Technically, I betrayed you first. The prophecy-”

“Was not your fault and you know it. Dumbledore told you to share it with Voldemort,” Sirius cut him off. “Neither Lily nor James blamed you.”

“They should have,” the spy remarked bitterly.

“If I could, I would punch you right now,” Sirius grumbled, leaning against the wall instead. He waited, his breath hitching too many times before he could finally manage to ask his question, but he had to--after all, his and Remus’s fight had gotten so ugly. He’d said so many things he shouldn’t have. He had to know, “Is- Remus, is he-”

“Your wolf is fine, Black. I don’t know what he’s been told, but likely he’s heard the story from everyone else about your supposed betrayal. I’ll remedy that when I leave here, along with getting you out and finding Pettigrew.” 

Sirius let out a sigh of relief, a small sob escaping. “Thank you, Severus.”

“... Don’t call me that.”

“You hesitated that time.”

“Shut up, Black.” 

Silence. 

“You’ll look after Remus for me, won’t you? Until I get out?”

He could  _ hear _ Snape roll his eyes. “I’ll make sure your wolf doesn’t go and jump off a cliff or something else horribly idiotic for you, Black. Stop acting like a mother hen. You’re in bloody Azkaban, worry about yourself.”

“Thank you.”

“Don’t mention it. Ever.”

Sirius chortled despite the situation they found themselves in.

Soon, the two of them were both cackling madly in a mix of grief and complete insane humor, joining in the screams and sobbing of Azkaban as a whole. 

By the time Snape was released, Lupin had disappeared off the face of the earth. McGonagall was as worried as he was when every owl was returned, letters unacknowledged. The Potion’s Master, however, had a small amount of hope. If they were still receiving the owls back, then Lupin was alive, even if he wasn’t in the best situation. Eventually, when he had the time between teaching the ingrates and miscreants at Hogwarts, and acting as Dumbledore’s lap-dog, he’d have the chance to go and look for his… friend. 

He’d promised Black after all.

And he still needed to get the idiot out of Azkaban as well.

Bother.

The both of them would owe him so much when he finally got their sorry arses out of trouble. 

Now if only he could stop having so many idiotic essays to grade. Why did his students all have to be such dunderheads?


End file.
